This is our favorite list of "Self Help" Books and Games.
This is by nature a very subjective and incomplete list. We encourage you to do your own research on (click on logo) or click on the icons under each book.
A good local bookstore is Stepping Stones on Occidental Rd. in Santa Rosa, 527-8372.
Please send us your suggestions and short reviews for books that transformed or enlightened you and your comments on the books we list below.
We will publish your feedback if we can list your name and email address.

Personal and Spiritual Growth:
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Stephen R. Covey
This was the first book to dramatically change my life. Even my wife at the time noticed the changes in me and liked them.
It helps you to grow from dependence to independence to interdependence.
Covey promises that if you follow his suggestions, your life will change to the better and he was right for me.
Martin

The Way of the Superior Man
Dear Lover (for women)
Intimate Communion (both)
Blue Truth (both)
All David Deida:
David Deida is in a league of his own and a pioneer.
He is trying to integrate the advancements of men and women in emancipation, spirituality, sexuality, meaning, love, masculinity and femininity.
His language is often very direct and he is very opinionated. You either love or "hate" his writings, but I don't think you can ignore his wisdom if you want a spiritually deep and sexually fulfilling relationship.
Martin

Toward a Psychology of Awakening
John Welwood
This was the first John Welwood book I read and I started with chapter 15 "Intimate Relationship as Transformative Path". For the first time I realized that both, falling (or being) in love and "compatibility" are important for a path of love and awakening (and otherwise a sure recipe for an unhealthy relationship). I often read and mention his analogy of "Heaven and Earth" on page 236 and 237 (ask me for a copy of these two pages if you are interested).
Martin

The Four Agreements
Don Miguel Ruiz
Four simple rules, hard to live by....
1.) Be Impeccable with your word
2.) Don't Take Anything Personally
3.) Don't Make Assumptions
4.) Always do your Best
I totally love the agreements and this profound little book. I personally just don't resonate much with his writing style which comes from the Toltec tradition, but that is just me.
Martin

Nonviolent Communication (aka NVC)
Marshall Rosenberg
This model of communicating changed the relationship to myself and others radically.
I wish he would have called it "Compassionate Communication".
It is book 3 of 4 that changed my life.
Unfortunately, this radically different way of communicating only works when you become the underlying principal of non attachement to the outcome of the conversation other then connecting on the level of feelings and needs and try to practice daily. I am still working on that. There are study groups at the Center For Spiritual Living lead by Carol Chase that I highly recommend.
Martin

The Power Of Now
Eckhart Tolle
This is the book that transformed my life.
It has one chapter (8) on Enlightened Relationships. It might be the best truth one can utter about love relationships.
Like with most (close to the) ultimate truths (e.g. that everything around us is basically emptiness) it is somewhat "unpractical". We would not need any of the other books if we could fully embrace and live what Eckhart writes on 30 pages in the Paperback edition. So I would say, read and embrace it as an ideal and strive towards it as much as you can (or try to live by it/return to it moment by moment), but know that it can be a long path of meditation and healing until you can fully realize an Enlightened Relationship.
Martin

Integral Psychology:
Ken Wilber
This was my first Ken Wilber book (later I realized I should have started with "Introducing Ken Wilber" or "Wher's Wilber At"). Although hard to read it still changed my awareness about human consciousness from 2D to 3D. I had NO IDEA! It is just WOW!!!! Ken Wilber has spend some 30 years of his life trying to read and understand everything that has been said, written and researched about the history of human development, spirituality, consciousness, psychology, science, art, religion etc... and tries to integrate all these sometimes conflicting concepts and wisdoms into an integral model. He has many more books and I am just starting to dive in. It is hard to imagine that there could be anything that is wider and deeper then him... but who am I to say. www.kenwilber.com, www.integralinstitude.org and http://wilber.shambhala.com
Also, contact me for our weekly Thursday evening 7:00 - 9:00 Ken Wilber Study group
Martin

Facets of Unity - The Enneagram of Holy Ideas.
A.H. Almaas
Some of the books below (e.g. Undefended Love) build on Almaas's deep research into human consciousness and our essential nature.
This is deep profound stuff to me, maybe my favorite spiritual book.
Martin

Dating:
Truth in Dating:
Susan Campbell, Ph.D.
This book is all about being authentic and truthful in the dating process and relationship.
Many people think they have to sell themselves on a date, only show their best side.
This book gives you great tips how to feel safe when speaking your truth.
Martin

Online Dating for Dummies:
Judith Silverstein, MD - Michael Lasky, JD
Covers all the basics, has useful tips and examples, is very easy to read and sometimes funny.
Martin

Find a Husband after 35:
Rachel Greenwald
Using what I learned at Harvard Business School.
A 15 - step action program that covers all the practical/pragmatic aspects and ideas of dating that I can think of.
It does not cover anything emotional or spiritual and it is VERY BUSINESSLIKE. The Author Rachel Greenwald is very direct and blunt.
Martin

Mars And Venus On a Date:
John Gray
As you would expect, John Gray is focusing on the different thoughts, emotions and patterns that men and women have in the dating process.
It often is stereotypical but I often found myself in the book. It has a short chapter about getting ready and then dives in at stage one when two people are attracted to each other. Entertaining, useful but not deep.
Martin

If The Buddha Dated:
Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D.
Many practical tips, not only for spiritual or Buddhist people.
Short chapters on many topics including some psychological and spiritual aspects.
I love this book and use it often.
Martin

Intellectual Foreplay:
Eve Eschner Hogan - Steven Hogan
If you ever don't know how and what to ask or focus on this is the book to go to.
We sometimes wish we would have asked or know before we committed, and this book helps you to avoid that mistake. Great to read alone or together.
19 chapters with dozens of questions each cover all areas of life and personality questions.
Martin